Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
Randomize
