look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
