Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
