i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Randomize
