Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
Randomize
