can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
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