We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
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That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
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I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
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