i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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