bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
Randomize
