Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
Found the puke drawer
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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