I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Randomize
