Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
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