THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
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