Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
