So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
