You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
Little spoons don't ask big questions
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
You need Xanax blowdarts
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
Randomize
