she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
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