no, he came in my armpit
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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