I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
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Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
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Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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