I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
Randomize
