i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Randomize