hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
