Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
