I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
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