yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Randomize
