I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
