i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Randomize
