I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
Randomize
