I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
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