So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
Randomize
