I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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