it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
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