I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
Randomize
