I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
