guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
Randomize