piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Randomize
