Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Randomize
