Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
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