Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
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