You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
