She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
You're breaking my sexual little heart
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
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