An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
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