U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Randomize
