Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
Randomize
