I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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