Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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