just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
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