Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
Randomize
