someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
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