Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
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