I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Randomize
