so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
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