Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
