You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Randomize
