there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
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