Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
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1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
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