drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
