I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
