Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
