Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
Randomize
