I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
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